Subject: Canadian military slang

Hopefully this will help you all understand some of us FOGs from up North a bit easier. FOG is F*#king Old Guys. A term used by younger soldiers to denote older soldiers or veterans, the young guys in turn are referred to as "FNGs", which is some what similar to the other definitions.

The following is a list of colloquial terms and expressions used in the Canadian Forces.

5 by 5- Loud and clear, everything is working 100% (I've never heard this one???)
Aldershit—a term used to describe LFAATC Camp Aldershot, where whenever there is training, the weather takes a nosedive. AKA Alderschwitz
Air Force Gloves- pockets; "I see you're wearing your Air Force gloves today."
Armoners- Weapons techs
Around when Centurion was a rank not a Tank - old NCO
bag drive—an extensive, excessive activity marked by great levels of physical and mental strain.
bag of hammers—see bag of shit.
bag of shit—someone or something that is or appears to be sloppy, clumsy, incompetent, useless, et cetera.
balls to nutsack—members grouped uncomfortably close together.
band fag - CF musician
band geek—musician
bandie, bandy—musician
base bunny—in reference to buckle bunny, a a bull-rider's girlfriend, who wears his trophy buckle out of pride for her man. A base bunny likes to show off that she has a military man.
battalion bicycle—see shack rat
beers down range—to drink socially.
bin rat—supply technician.
birth control glasses—Canadian Forces-issued combat spectacles that, while appropriate for eye protection in a tactical situation, are downright hideous.
black hatter—Armoured crewman. Named after the black berets worn by the Royal Canadian Armoured Corps. Does not apply to Navy personnel although they too wear a black beret.
black cadillacs—Combat boots. Used ironically in reference to use as a mode of transport.
blade—traitor, backstabber. See buddy fucker.
blanket stacker—supply technician.
blue rocket—standard portable toilet that can be found everywhere on a base. Has a rather nasty habit of tipping over when occupied and people are bored.
BOHICA—bend over, here it comes again. A term used when complaining of monotonous and pointless activities
boonie cap—CADPAT floppy field hat worn in field environment.
boot camp—basic training. For soldiers, this can also include the Soldier's Qualifications Course.
boot fucked - Severe punishement, Sometimes the real boot up your ass, usually comming from a SGT or above.(Not legaly used after 1994 harrassement policy.)
box kicker—supply technician.
buddy fucker—describes someone who, whether intentionally or not, acts in a manner totally inconsiderate to the welfare of his/her peers, potentially harming them in the process.
bumblefuck—engage in activity with no purpose or end benefit.
bunny suit—chemical defence suit, used for defence against chemical warfare.
brat—Military Brat—someone who has spent their youth being raised by a regular-force member, almost always having lived on numerous bases and major cities across the country (if not abroad).
Canary - Airforce. - too pretty to shoot, too yellow to fight.
Canteen Queen- Someone who always voluteers for the canteen.
Career Mangler - Career Manager. A senior member of your occupation at NDHQ who makes the decisions about your career development and your geographical and/or unit postings. Depending on his/her decisions, they are thought of as a great friend or your worst nightmare.
Chairforce—Air Force.
charlie foxtrot - the phonetic letters CF, abbreviation of cluster fuck.
chemist- the cook who conducts chemical experiments with food
Chicken Fuckers—a most offensive nickname given to The Royal Canadian Regiment.
chief - the senior-most officer appointment of a branch, staffing, element, etc. (Chief of Staff, Chief of Land Staff); can also informally refer to a particular chief warrant officer or chief petty officer. It is also the correct form of address for chief petty officers class 1 and 2.
Chicken Ranch—CFB Petawawa, home of 1RCR and 3RCR. See also chicken fucker. This one is actually incorrect, the "Ranch" is the RCR Battle School at CFB Meaford where young RCRs, or "Nuggets" are trained(a dirivitive of "Chicken McNuggets"). Petawawa is also occupied by other units so the entire base cannot be tag with the title "the Ranch" even though the RCR is the largest group there. Therefore, only the buildings that the RCR occupy there have been given an alternate designation ofther then their numeric indicator, they are "the Coops"
chimo! - a form of greeting or war-cry used by the Canadian Military Engineers. Can mean the following: "Hello!", "Cheers" et cetera. It is normally shouted in unison after engineers are dismissed from parade, or as a compliment in place of "good job" or "have a good night!"
Chuggernuts - Used as a nickname for stupid soldiers (eg. "Take a look at chuggernuts there" or "Going to find chuggernuts, be right back")
Cinderella leave-Shipboard leave expiring at, or before, 2359hrs. Usually for only for junior members of the Ship's Company or if the ship is sailing early.
circus battalion - a service battalion, coined by not just how it rhymes, but also the nature of certain service battalion as being severely disorganized: "they set up tents, and are staffed by clowns".
civvies—civilian attire; civilians.
closed up—someone who is competent, alert and deports oneself in a professional manner. Essentially, someone who embodies the necessary traits of a good member or officer. The opposite of shit pump.
COCK—confirmation of combat knowledge. Can mean to put a round into the chamber of a gun. such as "cocked and loaded" Also, heavy-handed discipline. It is known to be "BELT FED COCK" for extreme circumstances. Also, a form of disapline given for reason or not. Can also be given anytime, see cockmeat sandwitch and double cock.
Cockmeat Sandwich - A form of disapline recieved from more than one superior at more than one ocasion for the same incident.
cornflake—a tri-service cap badge affixed to a new CF member's beret in his or her early recruit stages, prior to wearing the badge of a given branch or regiment, or regimental headdress. It displays the crossed swords (Land), bird (Air), and anchor (Sea). Its shape and colour resembles a piece of corn flakes cereal, hence its name. Recruits wear the cornflake until they have reached a certain level of qualification, and its application differs from one branch or regiment to another—some replace it once finished their trades qualification, others replace it as soon as their basic training is finished. "Cornflake" also serves as a term for a member in this early stage of his or her career.
cornflake treatment—the cornflake is normally a sign that the member is new to the Canadian Forces and is given according treatment: superiors will supervise them with more scrutiny, to note and correct their mistakes, discipline when necessary and behave as an example to follow, et cetera.
Corporal Bloggins, Private Bloggins—the CF's Everyman.
Cowering Inferno]]- NDHQ
CFL—corporal for life; someone at that rank that either lacks the potential to be promoted higher OR has no desire to pursue the promotion and intends to keep it that way. Also captain for life.
Crocker cocker—A derogatory term used for the poorly designed ambidextrous cocking handle latch on the upgraded C7A2 rifle which has the bad habit of getting caught on everything and breaks frequently. Named after the rumoured developer of the latch.
crunchie—an armoured term; dismounted infantry. Derived from what it is imagined to sound like when a tank runs over an infantry soldier.
death before dismount—unofficial Armoured Corps motto, usually used my non-Armoured types (i.e. crunchies) as humour.
death by Powerpoint—an overly long, excruciatingly boring class or presentation that makes overuse of said program.
deck ape—boatswain.
dirty cowboy—A member of the Princess Patricia Canadian Light Infantry.
dogfuck—engage in severe laziness, or severe procrastination. Synonymous with "Dog Humping a Football".
donkey—a foolish individual.
Double Cock - Getting twice the amout of disapline. Or receiving disapline from two people at the same time.
Disneyland joke—a recurring joke often used by instructors on students during a recruit course, in order to gain volunteers for a mundane task. This can also involve ice cream or candy.
Disneyland on the Rideau—National Defence Headquarters in Ottawa
Dozer- Aviation Technician
drip pan—a female soldier in a service battalion who engages in promiscuity. Coined from the literal definition: a pan laid underneath vehicles as a means of collecting dripping fluids. Its association with the Service Battalion stems from the large company of vehicle repairmen and drivers present in any service battalion or similar area support unit.
drop ass—to expel intestinal gas through the anus; break wind.
fart sack—sleeping Bag.
FIGMO-fuck it, got my orders, generally refers to someone who is posted and has received their posting message and their lack of interest in their current position. Would hear someone who is posted say they are "Figmoed" means they are done.
fill your boots—take as much as you want. Help your self.
'Fitter & Turner- a cook as he fits perfectly good food into pots and turns it into shit.
'Fitter- A CF-18 Engine Tech.
FNG—fucking new guy.
FOBIT- A soldier who never leaves a forward operating base (FOB). See also KAFer.
FOBIJAR - Fuck Off Buddy I'm Just A Reservist. Might be heard from a reservist if given an undesirable task by a regular force member.
foot in your ass—severe discipline. "If one of you isn't pulling your weight here, you will feel the shock of my foot in your ass!!!"
fragiles- avionics techs (pronounced like fraggle)
fuck o—an incompetent, obnoxious, bumbling oaf. Like a bag of shit but even worse. Perhaps a play on common officer titles such as 'Admin O' or 'Sup O'
fuck off—an auxiliary superlative. "Reference that big fuck-off tree at 2 o'clock."
funnel faggot-any member of the Marine Engineering Branch.
GAF—Give a fuck level/factor, i.e. 'My GAF is pretty low right now'
gaggle fuck—a disorganized mass of people who aren't doing anything productive.
Gagtown – a term used to refer to CFB Gagetown
get on the dog, get the dog on—to put one's best effort forward. Derived the naval term "Dog" which is what sailors use to control the sail of a ship.
Glue Bag- A person who is a moron.
gravel technician—infantry soldier. Created on grounds that the Infantry spend much time digging.
ground pounder-infantry soldier
green light—Paratrooper. Taken from the 'Go'/'No Go' lights when jumping.
green pyjamas-collectice term given to the former olive green combat dress.
ground sheet—a female soldier who engages in promiscuity. Taken from its literal form of noun—a padded mat that soldiers sleep on top of. Normally said in combat trades. See also Drip Pan.
grunt-a large Bournian ground dwelling ape that digs holes for no apparent reason(PONGO) —infantry soldier. Also: Government Reject Unfit Naval Training
gucci kit-non issued kit or equipment bought by the soldier.
gunner—a trained private in the Royal Canadian Artillery, although the term can informally refer to an artillery soldier at any rank: "once a gunner, always a gunner." This term has also been used as a call sign for the machine gunner in a formation of members who bear rifles.
gun plumber—weapons technician, responsible for repairing firearms.
Guppy-Navy
ham fisted- Something that is so unbelievablly tight that the person who installed it has hams for fists.
haybox—a large insulated container used for serving and storing food in field operations.
Herman the German—figure printed on figure 11 targets at a rifle range.
horse cock—a flexible spout used for pouring fuel from a jerry can to a vehicle.
hooah!, HUA!—heard, understood, acknowledged, borrowed from the U.S. Army term or the USMC's "OOO-RAH!]]Used in a ironic manner, for a idiotic task that you have no enthusiasm in doing.
hump—carry or lift a load, originally an Australian term meaning "to carry one's swag,"; also a forced march carrying full equipment loads.
hurry up and wait—denotes a situation where something isn't well organized, is rushed into by personnel and some form of delay makes them all wait in the end.
I must puke—Individual Meal Pack (IMP), referring to a dislike for the pre-packaged food.
infantard—Infantry Solider. Based on the belief that most infantry soldiers are not quite as bright as their peers.
infantillery—Artillery Solider employed in an infantry role; artillerymen performing infantry-like tasks.
iron fist—hat badge of the Armoured Corps.
jacked up—to have one's faults corrected in a swift and severe manner.
jammie- everything is good to go
Jesus ______—an item that is of monumental, singular importance. For example, if a particular computer in an office should not fail or be tampered with whatsoever, it is the "Jesus Computer".
Jimmy—a member of the Signals branch.The Executive officer of Naval ships- from RN "Jimmy the One."
JOUT-Junior Officer Under Training.
jug fuck—a disaster in the making.
KAFer- A soldier who never leaves the Kandahar Airfield while deployed in Afghanistan. See also FOBIT.
knuckle dragger- Armourer, weapons tech
lawn dart—Paratrooper.
LCF-Look Cool Factor. Used in refrence to the look of a piece of equipment and its affect on fashion
light colonel—lieutenant-colonel. Used referentially, never when addressing the officer.
light up- Shooting an enemy, for example, "enemy to the front: light him up!".
line ape—a member of the Lineman trade, in army signals.
log, log wog—a member of the Logistics branch. See Ren & Stimpy's 'Log Song' for more details.
lone bone—a Private bearing one chevron.
lung in a bag—I.M.P. (field ration) meal of omelette in mushroom sauce, referring to its appearance.
ma'am—see "Sir".
metal bashers- Aircraft Structures Technician.
master jack—Master Corporal.
Mayor of Tune Town-Band Officer
meatbomb—Paratrooper
meathead—a member of the Canadian Forces Military Police. Likely a reference to the scarlet beret that an MP wears, though it has said to have been used prior to the scarlet's wearing. May also refer to the contents of the beret.
morale booster—a female soldier who engages in promiscuity with multiple members of her unit
MIR Commando- A member of your unit who goes to the MIR (medical inspection room) frequently attempting to get out of work
MRE- abbreviation for Meal Ready to Eat (a soldier's food in the field) aka Meal rejected by Ethiopians
Mudford—term of 'endearment' for LFCATA Meaford. Said to be where 'happieness goes to die.'
Navy gravy]- ketchup
no hook—a Private below his or her qualification course specific to trade, who does not have a chevron or "hook" on his or her epaulet (or on any other means of display), unlike Trained Privates who do. Can also apply to an Ordinary Seaman, which is the naval equivalent to a no-hook.
not on—used to describe something that is unacceptable, or something that shouldn't happen—"that is NOT ON."
ninjas—the special-forces arm of the CF.
N/S—non-serviceable, non-functioning, broken, official jargon.
numpty—someone who is 'none too swift', see 'bag of shit'.
other ranks—an older term for Non Commissioned Members of the Forces used by officers; it is considered very inappropriate today.
one hook—a Trained Private, whose hook signifies competency in his or her trade. Also denotes an Able Seaman in the Navy.
paperclips—refers to the crossed chain links on the badge of the Canadian Forces Logistics Branch, which to the untrained eye appear to be paperclips. This refers to the administrative and paperwork-heavy nature of many of that branch's trades. Can be either joking or derogatory, depending on context.
pecker checker—medic.
pencil-pusher—admin clerk
Picklies—short slang for a member of the PPCLI.
piddley shit—that which does not matter.
Pigboat - Named given to the former Gate Vessels of the Naval Reserves. All 5 were decommissioned in the mid 1990s. Originally used to open harbour gates during WWII. It was said they were made of "Pig steel"
Ping Pong Champions of Long Island—Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry.
Please Protect Canada's little Idots—Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry.
plug—a very stupid or incompetent person. From the fuze plug/lifting eye that is screwed into the front of an artillery shell until the actual fuze is installed. See also "Shit Pump"
PONTI—person of no tactical importance. See OCDT.
Princess Picklies—long slang for a member of the PPCLI.
Puzzle Palace—slang for National Defence Headquarters in Ottawa.
Rack Out - Go to sleep, or take a nap/ lie down. see rock out with your cock out
recce by death—unofficial motto of armoured reconnaissance. Refers to the chance of survival of an unarmed, unarmoured Iltis, or G-Wagon, upon encountering the enemy (e.g. If junior call sign does not report back after taking a bound over that crest and smoke is rising, you know there are bad guys over there"). Jocular parallel formation to the professional term reconnaissance by fire (abbr. recce by fire) = U.S. speculative fire, spec fire.
regimental air mattress—see 'Ground Sheet'.
rental—reservist.
Reserve Cock - Normally disapline comming from a Sgt thinking that everything has to be stressed out. Or a tasking done to kill time that shouldnt really be done. Denoted this because in the regular force, most senior NCOs are relaxed, and dont need soldiers to do meaningless tasks. This is probably due to experiance. Can also refer to the hard time reservists get when working with reg force soldiers. Even though they work less often, they tend to work harder and better than their reular force counterparts.
ring knocker—one who has attended RMC.
Rock Out With your Cock out - Just finnished a job, or dutie, and now having nothing to do. You can relax and relax. see rack out, and smoke and joke
Quarter-inch Admiral—a derogatory term for a CF Officer Cadet, whether Army, Navy or Air Force; refers to the thin gold rank braid worn by these members on their tunics. By comparison, a CF Admiral (or General) wears a wide gold rank braid on their tunic.
Queers on the Run—offensive nickname for The Queen's Own Rifles Regiment (QOR).
relish suit-collective term for the new CADPAT.
sapper—a trained private combat engineer, or informally a combat engineer of any rank.
sarge—Sergeant; used informally and with familiarity between the two people.
SAS-Reference Reserve members defined Saturdays and Summers.
Saturday Soldier—reservist.
Secret Squirrels—members of Communications Research.
sergeant major moustache—term used to describe a moustache styled with wax in a manner that resembles the Pringles logo character. It is normally worn by senior non-commissioned members, such as Sergeants, Warrant Officers, hence its name. They are most popular in combat arms regiments.
shacks—quarters of any time, not a reference to quality/comfort.
shack hack—any illness that has spread quickly in quarters.
shack rat— a sericeman who is left in barracks to do extra clean-up for the day. a female in quarters who engages in promiscuity with others living in the same housing unit.
shack whore—a civvy female who comes to the shacks to engages in promiscuity with anyone who will give them a beer or a smoke.
SHADS - Summer Holidays After Dinner Sailors. Term used for Naval Reservists.
shit pump—an individual marked by gross incompetence or stupidity.
shit the bed—to fuck up something, make a gross mistake or otherwise disappointment.
shitter fitter-Naval Hull Technician
Siggies-signals
Silly Servant- civilians that work for DND
sir—someone who is addressed as 'Sir' (or 'Ma'am') by subordinates, (i.e., Master Warrant Officer and above). Usually a response by a Warrant Officer or below when called sir—"I am not a sir/ma'am; I work for a living."
Slack and Idle—personnel without motivation or grossly out of shape
SLJO—shitty little jobs officer.
SOL—shit out of luck.
spare dink—someone who, at the time being, really does not have a job to do.
spark chaser- avionics technician
spinner—someone who has a tendency to 'panic' when put under even the slightest stress and can't make a decision, i.e. 'they spin'.
split arse—female.
squishie—see crunchie
standards—"There is only ONE standard!" Problem is, everybody has one.
to step on one's own dink- to really screw up
super sailor—nickname for members of the Boatswain Naval trade, so called as they are more involved in seamanship than other Naval trades which are technically oriented.
Super Stoker-a member of the Marine Engineering Branch who attended the St. Lawrence College (or equivalent) Marine Engineering Programme. Entering the 2 year course as a recruit and exiting the course as a Master Seaman.
SWAT refers to the reserves. As in Some Weekends And Thursdays (Thursday evenings are typically used for training). - See also SAS, Toon, and Weekend Warrior.
switched on—See "closed up".
thudfuck-someone who is totally useless
thunderbox—refers to one of two things: 1) a makeshift toilet out of cardboard in a field setting, 2) portable toilet.
thunderchicken—refers to the thunderbird on the Canadian Forces Military Police badge.
Toon—refers to the reserves. As in Cartoons. Not real, and only seen on the weekends. See S.A.S.
Tuba Tech—a CF musician, regardless of the instrument they play.
Tune Tech - any CF Musician
Tune town- the band room or practice area
[[[Twenty Mile Sniper]]-Artillery Gunner
[[[Twin Tailed Plastic Fag Jet]]- A CF-18 Fighter Jet
un-fuck—to fix something or someone that's broken.
volun-told—A supposedly optional event, award, assignment, or activity in which a person (or persons) are required to attend either by persons-in-charge nominating them or their peers expecting them to be there. The individual often has no say in the matter, and non-attendance in frowned upon.
war pig—almost exclusively used in the Infantry, the term describes a very large, girthy and masculine female soldier.
weather machine—rumoured device installed at LFCATA Meaford which provides the base with abysmal weather while all surrounding communities enjoy beautiful sunshine.
weekend warrior—reservist.
whiskey tango foxtrot—the phonetic letter WTF; has the same meaning as the modern textspeak WTF - "What the ....?"
white elephant—see white whale.
white whale—large, white moving-company style wagon used to transport goods in a non-combat environment.
WOG, wog—without guts/without guns. Synonymous with "sissy", "pussy", etc. A derogatory term for someone who is not a member of the combat arms. Can also be interpreted as "Without Gun." Sometimes "Western Oriental Gentleman"
Yank proof—see 'American Proof'.
Yellow bedroom- CF Crewcab truck which has a black hood and referenced in the joke: "What's black and yellow and sleeps four?"
"You can't see me!" suit-See relish suit.
zipperhead—Armoured Crewman. From the old leather helmets used by early tankers. The pattern of stitching gave the appearance of a zipper running across the top of the head. Folk etymology: from the zippers on armoured-vehicle crew suits (re-purposed pilots' flight suits). Also from the supposed scars on a crewman's head that he received from smacking it on a part of an armoured vehicle while crawling through the hatches and small compartments.
zoomie—pilot or any members of the Air Operations branch.
Amphibious training - Army slang, particular to the summer, meaning to screw off early from work and head to the beach.
Block leave - A period of leave during which an entire unit or command is nowhere to be found. Usually happens in summer and at Xmas, but is forbidden to units or commands who work on a 365 basis (i.e. the Air Force).
Boat - ask any sailor, "it means submarine you idiot". If it sails above the water then it's a ship.
Boat person, dory plug or fish head - slang for sailor.
Cementhead - Infantier - as in need a chisel and mallet to penetrate the thick skull.
Cheesie - slang for SAR Tech, due to the bright Orange suits they wear.
Frozen Chosen - slang term for anyone having served a sentence at the end of the world, commonly known as CFS Alert. Particular to Air Force types.
Ground pounder - slang for a gunner.
Killuck - Naval slang for a Leading Seaman. Really means spare anchor.
Leg - term used by members of the Airborne to refer to non-jumpers. Means "lacks enough guts".
Sliders - Naval term meaning to screw off early. Particularly applicable to Fridays and before lunch.
Toque head - The effect encountered when it's too cold to take off your toque for fear of brain freeze (e.g. on winter Ex's). Symptoms include excessive build up of grease on scalp and extremely sensitive hair.
Thumperhead - slang for Field Engineer
Sick, Lame and Lazy - A group of soldiers who are medically exempt from participating in physical activity.
FML - term used when tasked with a job that is considered to be un good. Standing for F... My Life.
pig - term used for machine gun. Because of how much amo it goes through.
Full Time Retard - Member of the regular forces
YMCA - the navy
Jimmy Jesus - St Andrew holding the cross

Lest ye forget ......

this list can be found at - http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix:Canadian_military_slang

Feel free to add any that are not on this list as a comment.....I am sure there are a few!

QW: War....an ugly thing...

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed anddegraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothingis worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he iswilling to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personalsafety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unlessmade and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."

--John Stewart Mill--

(12) Step Program for those Retiring from the Military

1. Speech:
Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530 or 1400; it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA zero-dark-thirty).

Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, workout, get used to it.

"F*ck" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".
Grunting is not talking.

It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not need an "over" or should end with a "out"

People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from CTC Gagetown with the support weapons platoon or that you spent a deployment in theatre

2. Style:
Do not put creases in your jeans.

Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.

A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.

A high and tight looks really dumb as well.

So does a tapered, but not as bad.

A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.

You do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

3. Women:
Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.

Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.

Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.

4. Personal Accomplishments:
In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your job.

Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.

How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.

The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.

5. Drinking:
In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you"

That time you drank a 26er of Jaegermeister and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.

That time you went to the combat medics course and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter...unless, of course, you are dating a medic or MO. Then it's called reminiscing.

6. Bodily Functions:
Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as "unprofessional".

The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.

You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is VD will also not be funny

7. The Human Body:
Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.

8. Spending Habits:
You will have to pay bills
Buying a $30,000 car on a $25,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.

Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.

You will need health insurance

9. Interacting with Civilians (AKA YOU):
Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.

10. Real Jobs:
They really can fire you.

On the flip side you really can quit.

Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too.

Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.

Remember 9-5 not 0630 to 1800 - so it is a good thing.

11.The Law:
Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.

Your workplace, unlike your unit, can't save you and probably won't, in fact most likely you will be fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested

Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job
Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.

12.General knowledge:
You can in fact really say what you think about the Prime Minister in public.

Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.

They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important than you are, be polite.

Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.